Episode 189 - The Curse of Sherlee Johnson 5 and Deadly Tales of the Gunslinger 14!

[00:00:02] Speaker A: Spawn isn't my father. I know that. So why do I keep seeing him next to me? I hate him. He didn't come looking for me when I needed him. But still he somehow makes me feel stronger. Good evening and welcome to the Malibu. This is regarding Swan, the world's best Spawn podcast. I'm your co host John Fisher. [00:00:57] Speaker B: And I'm your co host David Williams. And well, Johnny, it's not to. Not to blow up our spot or anything, but it is spooky season. It's spooky times. It's time for spooky. [00:01:08] Speaker A: Spooky. [00:01:09] Speaker B: It's, it's. It's got that spooky 70 degree crisp weather outside that makes you want to just eat a whole ton of soup we got. [00:01:17] Speaker A: You love the soup. [00:01:18] Speaker B: I love. Oh man. An all soup diet is. It's. It makes me want to go to Panera so bad. [00:01:25] Speaker A: I went to Panera. [00:01:26] Speaker B: Oh man, oh man. There was, there was. [00:01:28] Speaker A: Because it was a fall feeling day and Megan, I were going to see prime time. There's a Panera right next to AMC in Tulsa. [00:01:36] Speaker B: Nice. [00:01:37] Speaker A: I hate the new Panera logo. It's so generic. [00:01:40] Speaker B: Yeah, I want. [00:01:41] Speaker A: It looks like it was like. What is that? [00:01:43] Speaker B: I don't know. [00:01:43] Speaker A: I don't think it looks like. Like a one off business. Like got a sign print for $40. [00:01:50] Speaker B: It's, it's. I don't know. It's trying to be new and sleek and not stick on your brain at all. [00:01:56] Speaker A: I want not. Not kill people with their energy drinks. [00:01:59] Speaker B: I want it to look like it still says St. Louis Bread Company and they just had to slap the new name on it. That's what I want. [00:02:06] Speaker A: Such a better name. [00:02:08] Speaker B: Such a better name because for those [00:02:10] Speaker A: of you who don't know that's what it was originally called in our region growing up in Tulsa and Oklahoma city. It was St. Louis Bread Company. [00:02:15] Speaker B: It's still St. Louis Bread Company in St. Louis. I know that. [00:02:19] Speaker A: What a better name. [00:02:20] Speaker B: It's a good name. What is a Panera? Sounds like Pangea. [00:02:24] Speaker A: Yeah, it sounds like Pangea. [00:02:27] Speaker B: It's just all the bread smushed together. Pan eras. It's the era of pans. [00:02:33] Speaker A: How long do you think as a scientist? Because I looked this up the other night and I was actually blown away by the answer. How long have like Homo sapien been around on earth? [00:02:42] Speaker B: Not too terribly long. Something like 2 million years? Ish. Maybe less than that. Are you gonna tell me it's like 250,000 years or some shit? [00:02:56] Speaker A: 300,000, 300,000. [00:02:58] Speaker B: Dang. I know. We might. [00:03:00] Speaker A: We maybe that's the earliest fossil we've recovered. [00:03:02] Speaker B: We maybe had. Were not more advanced than Neanderthals. We may have just been more violent. I know that. [00:03:12] Speaker A: Maybe. [00:03:13] Speaker B: But you know what they say, Johnny. They're not gonna know what you are from your bones, but they are gonna know if you were rich because it's gonna have little. No marks on it from where we ate. All the goddamn billionaires. [00:03:24] Speaker A: Who says that? [00:03:25] Speaker B: I say that. I say that. [00:03:27] Speaker A: Oh my God. [00:03:29] Speaker B: Speaking of spooky, we got it. We gotta afford food somehow, Johnny. They gotta be worth something. Might as well be some nutrients. That's the thing, Johnny. [00:03:38] Speaker A: This is like the third time you talk about eating human remains on this podcast, David. I'm not cool with that. [00:03:44] Speaker B: Then you're gonna be less cool with this conversation I'm about to start. I've been thinking a lot recently about. Oh God, I'm bracing myself so it's never too, it's never too late to start actively thinking about the plans for when you were gone. Like, what do you want to be done with your body? And I feel like it would be a waste of a resource to just like burn me up or pickle me. Like, can't. [00:04:11] Speaker A: You can't wear dogs. [00:04:13] Speaker B: Can't we, can't. Can't I be like food for somebody? Can't you just like, is that, is that an option? Can I feed. [00:04:21] Speaker A: Throw you to a lion? Yeah. [00:04:23] Speaker B: Hell yeah. [00:04:24] Speaker A: It could be like, get him to a lion, get him to a tiger. They're going to have a. [00:04:31] Speaker B: How awesome. Like, you know there's going to be an 11 year old being like, they're going to feed a human to this lion? Hell yeah. [00:04:38] Speaker A: Yeah, [00:04:42] Speaker B: right? [00:04:43] Speaker A: Like, that's like, that's interesting. I don't know. I guess I really thought about my [00:04:47] Speaker B: body after death because my, my family, my family is very anti being buried. Really? My mom, my mom has explicitly said to either throw her in a ditch or buy the box that a casket comes in and bury her in that. Because she's just like, it doesn't, it doesn't matter. And right. If, if we're, if we're part of nature, we need to go back to nature and not be just like this. We. Are you done? [00:05:17] Speaker A: That's what we should do. When all the boomers start dying, they should just fuel data centers with their, ooh, you get like a thousand bucks. [00:05:27] Speaker B: That would be interesting. And. [00:05:28] Speaker A: But they plug them in like batteries in the matrix starts. True. [00:05:33] Speaker B: Well, I Mean, can't be worse than. Can't be worse than now, right, David? [00:05:38] Speaker A: You got me. Think of the afterlife. [00:05:40] Speaker B: Oh, really? [00:05:41] Speaker A: Which is actually appropriate for why we're here. [00:05:45] Speaker B: Hey, I can be on topic kind of, sort of, sometimes. [00:05:49] Speaker A: I mean, I could have kept going, but I'm trying to keep us on topic. [00:05:52] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:05:54] Speaker A: Because we like to diverge. We like to divulge. [00:05:57] Speaker B: Yeah, There'll be many. [00:05:58] Speaker A: Divulgence and divergences and indulgences. [00:06:02] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Yeah. [00:06:03] Speaker A: And tonight we shall do the seven deadly sins. [00:06:06] Speaker B: Oh, all of them? All at once? All at once. [00:06:10] Speaker A: Oh, that'd be hard. [00:06:13] Speaker B: I don't think I have enough hands. [00:06:16] Speaker A: I mean, a lot of them are feelings or like, lifestyles, I guess. [00:06:20] Speaker B: Yeah, I guess you could just do like. You can make. [00:06:23] Speaker A: Vain's a free one. Is free. Because anyone could be vain. [00:06:26] Speaker B: That's true. [00:06:27] Speaker A: There's a freebie. So these got one. Sloth, gluttony, Sloth, gluttony. Go hand in hand. [00:06:33] Speaker B: Sloth and gluttony. Johnny, we're. We're in our homes doing some. Doing some nonsense. That's. That's sloth and gluttony right there. Lust. That's a freebie. [00:06:46] Speaker A: Okay, so you're in love with me. [00:06:50] Speaker B: Technically, I would have to be in lust with you, Johnny. And yes, maybe I did show up [00:06:56] Speaker A: in a leatherface mask to this recording. [00:06:58] Speaker B: Yes, you did. You know how I like leather. Oh, nice. Greedy. I want all the spawn, Johnny. [00:07:10] Speaker A: Okay. Envy. [00:07:13] Speaker B: Envy. Johnny, I'm envious of your spawn. [00:07:17] Speaker A: I'm jealous of people, I guess. I'm jealous of myself. I'm jealous of trying to think who. I'm jealous of when it comes to these issues. I'm jealous of people to get to, like, start where. With where these end up or where they're going. Both. These issues we're talking about. Oh, yeah. Start with like 12 of them or five of them. That'd be so much fun. [00:07:40] Speaker B: It would be. [00:07:41] Speaker A: It's a different experience. [00:07:43] Speaker B: Yeah. These are. These are some fun issues, though. I. I really. [00:07:47] Speaker A: They're both amazing and we should probably. [00:07:51] Speaker B: We should probably. [00:07:52] Speaker A: Just which issues are you talking about? Your mental issues, Dave. What issues are you talking about? [00:07:55] Speaker B: I'm talking about the. The Weekly World News from July 1994. [00:08:04] Speaker A: Bat Boy. [00:08:06] Speaker B: And then. And then the. The TV Guide from June 2021 or June 20, 2001. Sorry, what? In 2001. I'm just. I'm throwing out some issues, Johnny. I don't know what's on them. [00:08:19] Speaker A: Oh, my God. June 2001. [00:08:22] Speaker B: June 2000. Guide on TV guide. [00:08:25] Speaker A: Survivor, who Wants to Be a Millionaire? [00:08:27] Speaker B: I don't know. I. I just had to be pre 911 is. Is all. Is all I. I really wanted it to be. [00:08:34] Speaker A: You know, it was pre. You know, it was pre 9 11. [00:08:36] Speaker B: Spawn. Spawn. Spawn. [00:08:39] Speaker A: Star. Star wars episode one. [00:08:40] Speaker B: Oh yeah. True stars. Episode two. No, no. Post, post, post shit Next to the summer after. That's right. [00:08:48] Speaker A: And he got accused by like right wing media of being like anti bush because it's about like a dictator utilizing the military and it's like, well, the shoe fits. [00:08:59] Speaker B: You know what else was post 9 11, Johnny? The two Towers. Not the Fellowship, but the Two Towers. Or was Fellowship true? [00:09:06] Speaker A: They almost changed it. [00:09:07] Speaker B: Yeah. I didn't understand what my dad was talking about. He's like, they almost changed the name of this movie. And I was like the. You talking about. But why? That doesn't make any sense. [00:09:16] Speaker A: Yeah, because it was like they almost called. Because his alternate title I think was the Shadow of Eisengard. [00:09:22] Speaker B: Although that, that is a pretty. That is a pretty dope title. The Shadow of Isengard. But not as. Not as thematic as. Because the two towers being Isengard and Mount Doom. Right? [00:09:38] Speaker A: Yes. [00:09:39] Speaker B: It's an easier buy in. [00:09:40] Speaker A: It's better for the union of the two towers. Well, that's. That's one of my personal favorite of those movies. [00:09:47] Speaker B: It's real good as far as like middle chapters in a trilogy. [00:09:52] Speaker A: It's because it moves. Maybe it's. [00:09:55] Speaker B: It does not fall into the middle. The middle chapter trap. [00:10:01] Speaker A: They're always the best one. What's the trap there? [00:10:06] Speaker B: Some, I guess. I guess it depends on Last Jedi. [00:10:10] Speaker A: I wouldn't say Attack of the Clones, but you're right. You got that one. [00:10:14] Speaker B: There's. I guess there's now instead of it being like things sometimes planned trilogies could have been one or two movies and so they have to stretch it and so those trilogies tend to have a weaker middle. [00:10:29] Speaker A: I love Pipes Caribbean too, with Davy Jones. That movie's good. [00:10:32] Speaker B: And he plays the. He plays the. The organ with his tentacle beard. [00:10:36] Speaker A: Evil Dead 2. [00:10:37] Speaker B: Evil Dead 2. Okay, maybe. Maybe the second is the best shit. [00:10:41] Speaker A: The third's always the worst. That's your turn of the Jedi bias coming through. [00:10:49] Speaker B: It's. It's hard to get over that bias, Johnny. I love those Ewoks and all the little critters. [00:10:54] Speaker A: It's very labyrinth adjacent. Yeah, it's got like a Henson studio critter. [00:10:59] Speaker B: Could you just imagine like The. The Fire Gang just shows up on indoor. Could you imagine what kind of havoc those guys could have wreaked with the. The stormtroopers just throwing their heads at them. [00:11:10] Speaker A: Hey, what's this? Yeah, it would be good. [00:11:14] Speaker B: Would have been real good. But you know what else is good, Johnny? [00:11:16] Speaker A: I was always scared of Jabba's palace as a child. [00:11:19] Speaker B: Jabba's palace is fucking frightening. It's. It's more of a den of villainy than the. The cantina Most ice. [00:11:26] Speaker A: Yeah. But like, the thing that freaked me out the most is like they all just sleep there and obviously like passed out drunk or on drugs. It's like opium den probably. [00:11:34] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:34] Speaker A: Spice den, I guess Spice is the. Ripped off from Dune is the drug of. [00:11:40] Speaker B: Could you. Could you imagine just being like such a bad person that you just literally hang out in somebody's living room all day and that's all you do. You never go watch him, feed him. [00:11:48] Speaker A: The monsters. People to monsters, man. [00:11:51] Speaker B: That's wild. I couldn't. I couldn't do that. I would have to. I would be like, I have to go outside and do something. [00:11:59] Speaker A: You're signing out, baby. [00:12:01] Speaker B: I can't just. I can't just party all day. Who can party all day, Johnny? Can you party all day? [00:12:06] Speaker A: Middle chapters. Can middle chapters. Twister 2 is the best. [00:12:12] Speaker B: Well, there's only. [00:12:13] Speaker A: They have a bad too. What? [00:12:17] Speaker B: Wait, there's only two Twister movies, aren't there. Are there toys? [00:12:20] Speaker A: Toy Story. [00:12:21] Speaker B: Oh, I heard twist. I heard Twister. And I was like, oh, Toy Story 2 is good. It's got Prospector Pete. Is that his name? [00:12:32] Speaker A: Correct. [00:12:33] Speaker B: Nice, Pete. [00:12:33] Speaker A: The old Prospector. [00:12:35] Speaker B: Nice. And then he basically gets repurposed as the bear in Toy Story. [00:12:39] Speaker A: He's the same. He's similar. [00:12:40] Speaker B: Three. [00:12:41] Speaker A: That's why I never thought three was as good because the bear's too similar to the. [00:12:46] Speaker B: The man. [00:12:48] Speaker A: Prison storyline's cool. The working. [00:12:50] Speaker B: The working together to save themselves from the fire pit is. It's like, oh, they are. They do care about each other. [00:12:56] Speaker A: It was crazy. [00:12:57] Speaker B: The cowpoke and the spaceman can be friends, Johnny. [00:13:01] Speaker A: They were friends at that point. [00:13:02] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:13:03] Speaker A: They're really antagonistic in the first one. [00:13:06] Speaker B: Well, they said, you know, they got to kind of drum up some. Some. [00:13:10] Speaker A: No, they always have a stupid buzz. Now they have a stupid buzz in every movie because in two they meet. Two they meet. [00:13:19] Speaker B: Well, they're in the twist. [00:13:20] Speaker A: Yeah, it's just the box full of them. They introduce them to Zerg, who's their dad, and then the Third one, they get the. The Buzz Lightyear that's had the SAP. Like the Spanish audio turn. [00:13:33] Speaker B: Oh, okay. [00:13:35] Speaker A: And then in the fourth one, Buzz, like, raises his memory. I don't think there's a dumb buzz. And the fifth one was a big buzz. [00:13:43] Speaker B: I haven't seen. I haven't seen five yet. Is it good? Is it good? Yeah, I've heard it's pretty decent. Fucking Spider Man 2. Shit, Johnny. [00:13:52] Speaker A: I know. That's a great movie. What are you talking about? [00:13:57] Speaker B: I'm. I'm wrong. Johnny. I can't believe it. [00:14:02] Speaker A: What you're not wrong about is that you're still listening. Because we are respawn regarding Spawn, where each week we're bringing two issues from Spawn's universe. Except when we don't. Yes, Steve, this week is no different. We have two issues from Spawn's universe. We have issue five of the Curse of Shirley Johnson. [00:14:19] Speaker B: Yes, indeed. [00:14:20] Speaker A: And issue 14 of the deadly Tales of the Gunslinger. [00:14:25] Speaker B: Wonderful issues. No notes. [00:14:28] Speaker A: They're fun. [00:14:29] Speaker B: They're real good. Now that we've talked about what books we're gonna talk about, we should probably start covering them. [00:14:36] Speaker A: Gotta cover the covers. [00:14:37] Speaker B: We gotta cover these covers, Johnny. And so for the Curse of Shirley Johnson, number five, what color do you have? What color. What cover do you. What color? [00:14:46] Speaker A: Black, white and red, baby. It is the A cover. [00:14:49] Speaker B: Nice. [00:14:50] Speaker A: Jonathan Glafeon. [00:14:51] Speaker B: It's a real good one, I think. Jonathan Glafeon. Oh, he did like almost all of the color covers. There was one by Raymond Gay. It's pretty dope. I have cover D, which is literally just a panel from the inside of the issue as the COVID I didn't realize it was a panel from the inside. I just thought it looked awesome because it's spoilers. It's Nightlight Spawn. [00:15:16] Speaker A: Night Light Swan. [00:15:17] Speaker B: Nightlight Spawn. Yeah. Oh, man. Jonathan Glapion. Johnny. Jonathan Grab Glapian can draw some cool shit. [00:15:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:15:28] Speaker B: These covers he's got. Because your cover, your cover is just. Well, it's. It's vox's eyes with Simon in front of it. Just kind of like. Then the B cover, the Raymond Gay cover is sort of the same thing thematically. It's got VOX in the background and then Simon with the dual headed twin. Conjoined twin with him. The C cover is the black and white version of the A cover. And then the D cover, as previously discussed, is just the. The whole splash page of vox. Just like glowing. It's cool. They're good as hell. Yeah, yeah. Black, white and red. Johnny. It's a good color. [00:16:16] Speaker A: Black, white, red all over. What is it? What was that joke? What's that a punchline to? [00:16:20] Speaker B: Was it like a newspaper? Right? [00:16:22] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's like a riddle. What's black, white and red all over? Like a goblin asks you the forest. [00:16:31] Speaker B: Oh, goblins ask such weird riddles. I guess they've got nothing to do all day but think of ways to stump people. [00:16:39] Speaker A: Have you ever seen a goblin or [00:16:40] Speaker B: a fairy in real life? [00:16:43] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:16:45] Speaker B: No. [00:16:46] Speaker A: Me either. I was curious. [00:16:47] Speaker B: Thankfully. Thankfully? That's. I don't know. I mean, I did get to basically play the tooth fairy at work once though, right? So. So as far as. As far as the Fae go, I work at a. I work at a lab that has human. Human vital fluids that come through it. And so basically I am trafficking in the magic of human life, right? So I deal with blood and I deal with mostly blood. But at one point, one of the studies we were working on had tooth collections. So I literally had to process and store and catalog teeth. So I got to be the tooth fairy for a little bit. It was pretty weird. It was pretty weird. Those are the weirdest samples I've ever, ever had to deal with his teeth. It wigs me out a little bit. But yeah, I don't. I don't ever want to intentionally come across a Fae or a goblin because there's no way. There's no way you're getting out of that unscathed, Johnny. [00:17:54] Speaker A: Think so? [00:17:55] Speaker B: Yeah, I think so. It's very easy. It's very easy to accidentally, like, make the situation worse when you think you're making it better. Because. Because they're tricksy, Johnny. They're very tricksy. [00:18:11] Speaker A: That's scary. [00:18:12] Speaker B: Like, you hope to maybe have it be a brownie that you run into. I would much rather just lose some random shit. They live in the house. They live in your house and they steal stuff. Right? [00:18:22] Speaker A: That's scary. [00:18:23] Speaker B: But they take small things, like. Right. I would much rather lose a knickknack than, you know, potentially damn myself. [00:18:34] Speaker A: I've never heard of a brownie. [00:18:36] Speaker B: They're basically the Borrowers. The Borrowers are basically brownies. [00:18:41] Speaker A: What do they look like? [00:18:43] Speaker B: Ooh, I think it depends on who you ask. [00:18:48] Speaker A: I imagine like a mad ball. Remember the mad balls? [00:18:52] Speaker B: I love mad balls. Johnny. It's not. It wouldn't. It's not going to surprise you, but I was not allowed to own mad balls. [00:18:57] Speaker A: Oh, I had one. Me and my brother each got a mad ball. [00:19:00] Speaker B: I wanted one so bad. But no, they were. They were too gross. [00:19:04] Speaker A: They were rude, crude and tacky. [00:19:07] Speaker B: They were indeed. And also anything that had that sort of stick texture on it, I wasn't allowed to. I wasn't allowed to have sticky and [00:19:15] Speaker A: whatever chemicals was in that. In the 90s it like stank for like weeks. It smells so good. They just like gobs of plastic. It's like melting onto your skin probably or something. [00:19:24] Speaker B: It's. I'm kind of afraid to see what kind of fun new diseases we'll get from the things we played with as children. Johnny. [00:19:31] Speaker A: You know what? It smelled the best out of anything was there was an Anchor Bay. Did a book of the dead. Evil Dead 1. Rubber. [00:19:40] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:40] Speaker A: But the thing is that thing disintegrated. [00:19:42] Speaker B: Like I remember. I remember seeing yours and it was just like foam. [00:19:48] Speaker A: Yeah, Yeah. I have since got the original Evil Dead on Blu Ray. So we're good. [00:19:53] Speaker B: Oh, nice. It's an excellent film. Excellent. It's scary as. [00:19:58] Speaker A: You watch Burn yet? No, I think it's on H3. Do you have HBO? [00:20:03] Speaker B: No, I don't. [00:20:05] Speaker A: What do you got? Pluto. [00:20:07] Speaker B: Pluto. I have. [00:20:08] Speaker A: Well, they just bought by Paramount. So you're good. [00:20:11] Speaker B: Yeah, maybe. We'll see. Man, somebody is selling some fucking logs over here. I wonder if it made it into the recording. [00:20:21] Speaker A: I can hear it. [00:20:22] Speaker B: Oh, dang. Well, you know what else I can hear, Johnny? I can hear us talking about the credits and giving them where they are due. [00:20:31] Speaker A: Oh, Jesus Christ. Running with the credits we have script plot by Daniel Henriques, art by Jonathan Glapion. [00:20:39] Speaker B: Hell yeah. [00:20:40] Speaker A: Color by FCO Placencia, lettering by Emerald Design. We already covered the covers. [00:20:48] Speaker B: Sure did. [00:20:48] Speaker A: Creator director is. T O D D M C F A R L A N E. Todd McFarlane. [00:20:56] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:57] Speaker A: Editor in chief is Thomas Healy. [00:20:59] Speaker B: Hell yeah. [00:21:00] Speaker A: Previously in the Curse of Shirley Johnson. After an epic battle against the crimson seraph, the stranger is incapacitated and Shirley is left without her guardian. Or is she? [00:21:13] Speaker B: Ooh, dun dun dun. That's. That's kind of the. The ending to a typical horror movie, Johnny. It's. And everything was good or was it? Dun dun dun. [00:21:26] Speaker A: Always gotta keep going. [00:21:27] Speaker B: Always. You guys, you gotta have that little. That little. That little nugget of in insecurity. Insecurity? Is that what I'm. [00:21:36] Speaker A: Doubt. [00:21:37] Speaker B: Doubt. There we go. That's the word I was looking for. [00:21:42] Speaker A: I think it's probably over, but maybe it is. [00:21:44] Speaker B: Yeah. There's a podcast I listen to where it's two friends. One friend loves horror movies and the other friend Isn't really big on horror movies. So they choose a random horror movie to watch every week. And one of them talks about one of their favorite horror movie tropes is the end with a question mark. [00:22:05] Speaker A: That's every horror movie. [00:22:06] Speaker B: It's good. [00:22:07] Speaker A: It's a good one. [00:22:07] Speaker B: It's good. The end. Yeah. So. So Previously. Previously. I mean, right? Bootsy watching Hell sends down the Crimson Seraph, which is just a big eyeball monster. And then while that's. While that's going on, while they're fighting the big eyeball monster, the. The triad that runs that city on the back of the big beast in this section of Hell. Or like, hey, wait a second. Those are anomalies. Those are our anomalies. Bring those anomalies here. So there's. There's attention from. From all sides. There's Heaven. Attention. There's Hell. Attention. There's sort of this. This growing faction of rebels. That is the Stranger and Shirley and potentially Vox. Right. I think maybe Vox might get in on that anarchy trade. We'll see. We'll see it. We'll have to see where he goes. But somehow it always comes back to him. Johnny. To spawn. That goddamn hell spawn. [00:23:13] Speaker A: That God damn hell spawn motherfucker. [00:23:17] Speaker B: Oh, man. So we get a nice little. I didn't read issue 113 as suggested by Thomas Healy here. But it is sort of, I guess a recap of when. After. After Spawn originally kills Malbolgia. Sort of that balance of. Of good and evil with Spawn being able to maybe take over Hell and like wipe away all sin. But instead he just like left it to burn and let evil continue instead of finishing it once and for all. [00:23:55] Speaker A: It's a balance, David. [00:23:56] Speaker B: It is a balance. It is. That's the way you got. You can't have. It's the. The. The darkness lets us know where the light is. Johnny. If we didn't have the darkness, then everything would just be washed out. The definition is in the shadow. [00:24:12] Speaker A: That's as Luke Skywalker says, the last Jedi. That's the balance. Powerful light. Powerful dark. [00:24:19] Speaker B: Powerful dark. Sounds like the way that an old Southern person describes nighttime. Oh, it's powerful dark out there. [00:24:26] Speaker A: That's a good way to say it. [00:24:29] Speaker B: That's the best kind of. That's the best kind of dark to go to. Go stargazing in Johnny is powerful dark. You don't want none of that night pollution or light pollution. Night pollution. [00:24:42] Speaker A: Rock and rolling. Night pollution. [00:24:46] Speaker B: Night pollution. Sounds like a cyberpunk style plague where it's just like Roving haze of nighttime through your daytime city. [00:24:57] Speaker A: Oh, my God. [00:24:58] Speaker B: Oh, man. Actually, I think that's kind of what happens in Minecraft. Right? Because then it turns creepers into scary guys. I don't understand Minecraft. [00:25:08] Speaker A: I've never played it. [00:25:09] Speaker B: Although I know that there's these guys named Creepers and there's. [00:25:12] Speaker A: There's like survival. There's a nighttime element. [00:25:15] Speaker B: Yeah. There's. What's. His face's fire chicken. [00:25:22] Speaker A: I don't know. [00:25:22] Speaker B: I don't know. There's some fire chicken. But speaking of fire, Johnny, we have [00:25:28] Speaker A: here sort of watch the movie. You watched Minecraft the movie, didn't you? I watched. [00:25:31] Speaker B: I watched half of it. [00:25:33] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. [00:25:35] Speaker B: And it's. It's probably the first movie that the Jack Black of it all I didn't like because I like Jack Black. But I know there are a lot of people who don't like Jack Black very much for the reasons that I like Jack Black. And it was just a little too Jack Black for me. I was like, we could maybe. We could maybe take a step backwards. [00:25:55] Speaker A: Interesting. [00:25:56] Speaker B: I'm just like, let it. Let it chill a little bit. But I also didn't know what was going on. And I was like, I. I have no emotional connection to this, so it does me no good to keep watching. But speaking. [00:26:08] Speaker A: He lets go the fire chicken in the arena. Everyone loses their mind. [00:26:12] Speaker B: I didn't get that far. I didn't get that far. I got Steve's Lava chicken. That's what it is. [00:26:18] Speaker A: That's. [00:26:18] Speaker B: That's as far as I got is the Steve's Lava Chicken song. And I was like, okay, that's all I needed. [00:26:23] Speaker A: That's it. [00:26:24] Speaker B: But so we get. We get sort of like the. The origin story of Simon. Simon being basically a vampire being born of evil and sin. And when. When Spawn just kind of like refused to end evil, it did something. I'm still not entirely sure what all this is that happened, but. But Simon in a way became more punished than he was to begin with. I'm not sure if it's because he was a vampire on earth and he got sucked into hell or. [00:27:05] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't know what. [00:27:06] Speaker B: Or like. Like if he was working his way to get rid of his sin as a vampire and it, like the debt piled back on. I'm not sure. But anyway, it. It fucked Simon up. Yeah. He gets sucked back down to hell and so. And then now he's. He's like, for what? Whatever. Whatever happened. He's like, I need to get out of this. And he's like a vampire who's devoted himself to. To God. And it's like, I need to. I need to get rid of sin. [00:27:38] Speaker A: He cuts off these fuckers heads. [00:27:40] Speaker B: Yeah, he sure does. And then at one point, he sees the beheaded and aflame body of Malbolia. [00:27:51] Speaker A: A dead God. [00:27:52] Speaker B: Yeah. A monstrous body, burning but not consumed. And through it, he heard the voice of God telling him that he had found his purpose and he is going to serve righteousness and goodness. And he says, and God's been guiding me ever since. And Shirley's like, I mean, it's weird that you've been found. I mean, it's weird. It's weird. I don't know if I want to be found. I'm happy being here. This is what I know. And the conjoined twins are just like, don't say that. Don't say that. You don't have to say. You gotta go to heaven. There's no suffering up there. And Shirley's just like, the only thing I fucking know is suffering. Yeah. [00:28:44] Speaker A: And she has a bond with the stranger because when he tried to sword her and she caught his sword. [00:28:49] Speaker B: Yeah. She got with her hands. And she's like. She's like. It's. It's like some sort of power that that is. Has always been there that I just didn't know. And then we get some, like, sort of flashes where we see. Oh, Johnny. We see Cyan's necklace with the shoelace and the binky. [00:29:06] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:06] Speaker B: And then it. And then it turns into the one ring. [00:29:10] Speaker A: Is it? [00:29:11] Speaker B: I don't know. I'm assuming that it turns into a ring. There's a ring on a string. At some point in later Spawn issues, [00:29:21] Speaker A: there's a ring on a string. [00:29:22] Speaker B: A ring on a string. And then, like, her hands are also, like. They flame with necroplasm plasmic power. And then, like, she gets, like, big, nasty, demony hands. And then she remembers her mother's hands and how that felt. Yes. And even if it's wrong, she doesn't want to let it go because it's all she's got. Johnny. And then we get the opening reading. [00:29:50] Speaker A: Spawn isn't my father. You're not my father. Oh, my God. What is that? Viral video? He's like. He's like, you're not my boss or my father. I can't remember some New Jersey guy arguing with a guy in a public place. I haven't said something. You're not my boss or my father. [00:30:07] Speaker B: Those are the two Most important things, Johnny. Bosses and fathers. But. But then Shirley's like, yeah, Spawn's not my father, but I feel him here. And then she's like. But also, like. It reminds me of my mother. And I might be deluded, but I feel like my mother is here and that her power is here, guiding me. And like, she keeps. She keeps me. That's what. That's what moms do, is she keeps. Keeps you safe. And that's why she can't go to heaven, Johnny. Because she's got these feelings of, you know, there's an energy sort of responsibility from Spawn. There's a closeness to whatever she feels with her mother there. And she's like, this is. This is where I belong. And then from. So that's just sort of existential conversation between Simon and Shirley happening. And then while that is. That conversation is transpiring, we go back to that city on the back of the Beast. And Bootsy and Vox are appealing to the Triad, the rulers of this particular section of Hell. [00:31:15] Speaker A: These crazy looking guys. He has like a river coming out of his face. [00:31:18] Speaker B: Yeah, that are. The guy's got like that big. It's wild. It's like a plate on his head there. [00:31:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:26] Speaker B: And they're, you know, they're. They're like bargaining for. Hey, we know that you have classified Shirley Johnson as an anomaly. And you claim that she's yours. But let us. [00:31:38] Speaker A: Let us. [00:31:39] Speaker B: Let us escort her through this section of hell. Let us. It's basically they're. They're saying, hey, we're just two upstanding citizens here. Why don't we. Why don't we adopt her? Yeah, you got it. You got a representative hell, you've got a representative Heaven. So that way it's still. It keeps the balance that everybody's always talking about. They don't. They don't go for it, Johnny. They don't go for it at all. This holy triarch. They are all the lights. Yeah, they. Their. Their bargaining tactic is. You guys killed 200,000 of our soldiers. And each of those soldiers carried a hundred thousand souls. What the fuck are we supposed to do now? You. You stole all our souls. And so. So Vax. VOX is like, whatever you want of us, we will do as long as you let us take Shirley Johnson. And they're like, okay, give us 10,000 souls. 10 million. [00:32:31] Speaker A: 10 million. [00:32:31] Speaker B: 10 million souls. And Boots is like, absolutely no way. And VOX is like, bootsy, shut up. We're gonna do it, dudes. I accept your terms. And that is where we get the splash page. That is the COVID Cover D. Yes. Oh, dang it. We totally skipped over Shirley Johnson calling him Nightlight Spawn. [00:32:57] Speaker A: Fuck. Oh, my God. [00:32:59] Speaker B: Funniest. [00:33:00] Speaker A: Start the episode over. [00:33:01] Speaker B: Funniest way of describing him, because it's true. He's Nightlight Spawn. But then the. The holy triarchs are like, okay, you bring us these 10 million souls, and you can have Shirley Johnson. But if you don't bring us these 10 million souls, then we retain possession of Shirley Johnson, and we also get [00:33:20] Speaker A: your souls and also get that. [00:33:23] Speaker B: And Boots is like, I don't know if we can do that. And Vox is like, shut up. We're just going to go to purgatory and take all of those. [00:33:30] Speaker A: Yeah, that'll be fun. I'm excited to see that. [00:33:34] Speaker B: Yeah, that'll be fun. We're going to see all those unbaptized babies, I guess. [00:33:38] Speaker A: Yeah, hopefully. [00:33:40] Speaker B: That's what I'm talking about. [00:33:42] Speaker A: What, are you gonna eat them? [00:33:47] Speaker B: Never you mind what I want with unbaptized babies, Johnny. [00:33:50] Speaker A: Oh, my God. This is going on the Internet. [00:33:53] Speaker B: Very tender, I hear. [00:33:56] Speaker A: Oh, my God. [00:34:03] Speaker B: So. So then we cut back to Simon and. And Shirley. And Shirley's just like, I don't want to be alone again. And Simon's like, but, you know, it doesn't matter because God has a path for you, and if part of that is being lonely, you got to do it. And she's like, but I don't think I trust anybody enough for that. And she's like, I don't trust any of you. And then Crimson Seraph is like, you can trust me. I'm not. I'm not this vampire, man. I keep you from being rained on. [00:34:32] Speaker A: I overthink you. [00:34:36] Speaker B: And it's funny because I didn't realize before this that, like, every. During this conversation, this whole time, Simon is getting rained on, and Shirley Johnson is just fine. And it's because the crimson seraph is just, like, keeping his hand above her so she doesn't get, like, drenched in this blood rain that they've got going on. [00:34:55] Speaker A: Yeah, that's funny. It's endearing. [00:34:59] Speaker B: And it's. It's nice. And then he's so. So Crimson Seraph is, you know, protecting. Protecting Shirley Johnson from this reign. And he's got the stranger just, like, flung over his shoulder. [00:35:12] Speaker A: I know. [00:35:14] Speaker B: And then he's like, wait, hold on a second. Someone is coming. And then we crackle of some lightning, and then this. This old being shows up and is like, well, guess what? We have decided to grant you access to the Citadel. And Shirley's like, I'm not going anywhere without my friend. And she's like, ah, interrupting. Interrupting your elders. How rude. She's like, but the invitation also covers your swordsman friend. So she says. She says, the local magistrate has taken a special interest in both of you. And then we see from the cackling lightning or crackling lightning, a hand is emerging. And that hand belongs to Belafon, the Dark Necromancer Johnny. And so Belafon is beckoning. Shirley Johnson says, it's nice to meet you, Shirley. My hell, I've missed you. [00:36:18] Speaker A: Who is it? Billy Kincaid? [00:36:19] Speaker B: I don't know. But it says, next, the return of Billy Kincaid. So we got Shirley Johnson talking to Simon, trying to figure out what Simon is. And Simon's like, I gotta. I got a path for you. And Shirley being like, I don't know if that's for me. Then we got Vox and Bootsy fighting for Shirley Johnson's ability to just like sort of wander free. And then we got this Belafon the Dark Necromancer, just like beckoning her to the Citadel. [00:36:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:36:48] Speaker B: So what's going to happen next? I don't know. It's pretty fucking cool though. We get the spawn skull to end the issue. [00:36:57] Speaker A: Yes. [00:36:57] Speaker B: And we get the spawning grounds. A nice little note from Daniel Enriquez being like, holy shit. Holy shit. We did the first arc. Thanks for your support. And hell yeah, Daniel Enriquez. Thanks for putting out a fucking awesome book. Yeah, I like how he describes it as exploring this black and white corner of the spawn universe. That's really just shades of gray. [00:37:22] Speaker A: Yeah, that's cool. [00:37:24] Speaker B: And in the next issue, it's the return of the bad man Johnny. Billy Kincaid himself. Then we have the image classic set. Then the new generation's new story. New youwat with a couple of books we've read before already. Oh, hey, look at that. Then the McStarland sports pick. The McFarlane's sports picks being the back of the issue toy ad again with the hockeyman. And that, Johnny, is the curse of Shirley Johnson. Number five. [00:37:57] Speaker A: Bravo. [00:37:58] Speaker B: Bravo, bravo. [00:38:27] Speaker A: And we're back with Deadly Tales of the gunslinger, number 14, [00:38:34] Speaker B: lot 14 then. That doesn't work very well. Sorry, Johnny started my day today with a text message about they're doing a pro shot of the Phantom of the Opera. [00:38:47] Speaker A: What is a pro shot? [00:38:48] Speaker B: For non theater, a pro shot is just a filmed version of a stage. [00:38:54] Speaker A: Like Hamilton. [00:38:55] Speaker B: Like Hamilton or the recent Hadestown or six theatrical releases. It's just a high quality Video of a stage production. But yeah, they're doing it for the Phantom of the Opera, which means that I have to. I'm being forced to see the Phantom of the Opera at least one more time. And Johnny and Wanda have been beating up on me. They've been ganging up and being like, haha, Phantom of the Opera all day. [00:39:22] Speaker A: You have to see it. [00:39:24] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it does have Wanda's favorite Christine as Carlotta. So that's. [00:39:31] Speaker A: That's kind of. [00:39:32] Speaker B: That's something. [00:39:34] Speaker A: It's kind of fun. [00:39:35] Speaker B: That is kind of fun. Hopefully there'll be a doggy. Me and my doggy, we go by. [00:39:39] Speaker A: I think it's just the movie. You just like the movie. That's. [00:39:42] Speaker B: That's the one I've seen the most because in. In high school one, One year, our marching band did Phantom of the Opera. And if ever our band director was like, you guys suck, just watch this movie. We watched the Phantom of the Opera like six times that year. [00:39:56] Speaker A: That's hilarious. [00:39:57] Speaker B: Yeah. What are you supposed to. What are you gonna. What are you gonna do? [00:40:01] Speaker A: What are you gonna do? He needed a break that day. [00:40:02] Speaker B: He did. Oh, the less said about this person the better because he is currently in prison for being a nasty man with his students, so. [00:40:12] Speaker A: Oh, really? [00:40:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:40:14] Speaker A: Oh no. [00:40:18] Speaker B: So fuck that guy. Yeah. There's a lot of. There's a lot of. There's a lot of those things happening in Oklahoma, Johnny. At high schools. High schools in Oklahoma are dangerous places to be, especially small town. Yeah, that's the truth. But on to onto sunnier topics, Johnny. Deadly tales of the gunslinger 14. We gotta cover these covers. [00:40:45] Speaker A: Let's do it. [00:40:46] Speaker B: Hey, we got two covers. It's the same cover. One is in color and one is not. [00:40:50] Speaker A: What? [00:40:51] Speaker B: Going to assume you have cover A. Yes, I have cover B, which is just the black and white version. [00:40:58] Speaker A: That's great. Who's it by, David? [00:41:00] Speaker B: And it is by the man himself, Patrick Reynolds. [00:41:04] Speaker A: Wow. Yeah. [00:41:06] Speaker B: It is just the gunslinger, his face and he's next to a fire and it's illuminated by the fire and there's those little, little embers shooting out. Like what happens with fires. It's really good. [00:41:20] Speaker A: It's good. Very iconic. [00:41:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:41:23] Speaker A: Imagine waking up to that. [00:41:26] Speaker B: Oh, Jesus, Johnny, that would scare me even more than you showing up to this recording with Leatherface mask on. [00:41:32] Speaker A: I know. [00:41:33] Speaker B: Oh boy. So let's pop this sucker open and give credit where credit is due. We got script plot by Jimmy Palmiotti, art by Patrick Reynolds, colors by Lewis and ct. And Juan Alvarez Fuente doing the color flats lettering by Tom Orzykowski. We covered the covers. The creative director is the T to the O to the double D. And Thomas E. Yeah. TTO with the double D. What? [00:42:07] Speaker A: How Will Smith talks about him, I don't know. [00:42:12] Speaker B: And Thomas Healy is the editor in chief and previously in Deadly Tales of the Gunslinger. Party in the city when the heat is on all night on the beach till the break of dawn what? [00:42:27] Speaker A: It doesn't say that. Miami. [00:42:31] Speaker B: You got me thinking about Will Smith. When we're hip hop, we're hip hop Strolling in the wild, wild west. Johnny. [00:42:38] Speaker A: Yeah, dude. That's the song. [00:42:40] Speaker B: That's the one. I don't know all the words. Previously in Deadly Tales of the Gunslinger. [00:42:47] Speaker A: You know that song has a Ghostbusters reference. [00:42:49] Speaker B: Oh, really? [00:42:51] Speaker A: Because he goes, now who are you gonna call? Not the gbs. [00:42:58] Speaker B: Is that the edited version? Did the original to say not the gds. Because he's. No, maybe he was. Because that means maybe you get a call. Oh, well, I was gonna say maybe that means that Will Smith was a Vice Lord and he doesn't want the gangster disciples anywhere near him. [00:43:13] Speaker A: No. [00:43:14] Speaker B: No. Okay, fine. [00:43:16] Speaker A: Spooky season stand. Ghostbusters. Stay on track there. Ah. [00:43:24] Speaker B: Previously in Deadly Tales of the Gunslinger. The search for Captain Lane continues as the gunslinger leaves a bloody trail across the southwest. So, I mean, previously. So we just finished an arc where the gunslinger is helping a town figure out why their children keep disappearing. And it's a. [00:43:45] Speaker A: It's because the evil mind. [00:43:47] Speaker B: It's an evil mind. Yeah. And it turns people into monsters. The water does. And they. They blow up. They blow up a big spider beast. And then the sheriff's. The sheriff's like, well, I guess you helped me with my children going missing problems. So why didn't I join you guys? And so then it's. It's. What's. Which one is. This guy's fucking. It's not Javi. [00:44:13] Speaker A: It's fucking Tobias. [00:44:15] Speaker B: Tobias. Tobias. And Ziania and writer and the sheriff. Now just all. They're all buddies. This. This group is slowly getting larger Every. Every place they go. And so we start with just. Tobias has his gun shoved all the way down this man's throat, asking, where's Captain Lane? And Zianni is. While the. The gun is literally in this man's throat. She is holding a knife to the outside of the throat. So he's getting it coming and going. [00:44:49] Speaker A: Johnny, he's got double time. [00:44:51] Speaker B: Yeah. So. And then, like, Zioni is like, I Think he wants to speak. So Tobias, like, slowly pulls the gun out of the dude's mouth. He says, don't throw up on me. And then as soon as the guy's able to talk, he's like, you think you got a chance with Lane and his men? And Tobias is just like, bah. Slaps him. Slaps him across the face. Where are they headed? And the guy's like, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. Tobias says, where are they going? He says, to your mother's place so everyone can get a turn. All 48 of them. And then Tobias and Zionia just, like, have quizzical looks. And they look at each other. And then Zianni is like, I can track 48 horses blindfolded. [00:45:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:45:43] Speaker B: And the dude's like, oh, fuck, I gave too much information away. And Tobias is just like, thank you very much, sir, and shoots him in the head. And then the. The sheriff's deputy, who is now the sheriff himself, or I guess has passed up being promoted to sheriff to ride around with Tobias. [00:46:02] Speaker A: Who's the deputy you love in Bone? Tomahawk. We'll just call him that. [00:46:05] Speaker B: Well, he's not the deputy, but it's. [00:46:08] Speaker A: He calls him his deputy. [00:46:09] Speaker B: It'. Chicory. [00:46:11] Speaker A: Chicory. [00:46:11] Speaker B: Chicory, yes. This guy's chicory. That tea smells. Smells gruesome. It's because it's stew. Oh, well, then I'll have some. So then we cut to Lane in his camp. He's being whispered to by the demons, right? [00:46:32] Speaker A: They're dragging him in his mind out into the wilderness. Yeah. [00:46:35] Speaker B: And so he's, like, woken up out of his sleep, and he's like. Like, who's talking? Who's. And he's, like, waving his gun around, and he gets out of his tent, and his men are like, are you okay? And he's like, you go back. Leave me alone. So he goes wandering through the woods, and he comes across. He comes across the demon from the first arc of this, the series, Johnny. [00:46:58] Speaker A: The guy with the reporter, Right? [00:47:00] Speaker B: The guy with the. The red eyes and the sharp teeth. Yeah. And he has the ability to help people who want to spread evil. He can't really do much of the evil himself, but he can provide some assistance to those who have the evil already in their hearts. [00:47:20] Speaker A: I wonder if we visited our orange president. [00:47:25] Speaker B: Probably. Probably. Maybe. Who knows? [00:47:32] Speaker A: This is every one of those on [00:47:33] Speaker B: Capitol Hill, Professor Brain Worm. [00:47:38] Speaker A: Oh, God, I love him. [00:47:40] Speaker B: Mr. Watts, you gotta read the curses. [00:47:43] Speaker A: Shirley Johnson, 5. It's basically the new Bible purgatory's real and Bootsy and nightlight spot are gonna doormat don't eat cheese or do but my cheese only. [00:48:04] Speaker B: We got secretary pronoun. And by pronoun, I mean he's juggling testicles to make sure they got all the testosterone they needed them hegseth. [00:48:13] Speaker A: Oh, he sucks such a. [00:48:15] Speaker B: He's such a tool. [00:48:18] Speaker A: There was a great Trump clip that Brand sent me when he came to Oklahoma for a rally. And he's on stage. He goes, where are those handsome Oklahoma studs I saw earlier? Where are they? I like their muscles. Bring them up here. They got such great muscles. He brings them up there. He, like, tries to. He kisses one of them on the cheek. Dude, it's. I'll send you the clip. Dude, it's hilarious. He says, remember that one? It's like when he's on in, like, whatever cold medicine from Europe he's on, or whatever he does, he gets horny for the dudes. Because there was that one time where he was like, who are those beautiful, handsome generals? Like, this is, like, two years ago. There's ecology. He's like, look at these fitness young men. [00:48:55] Speaker B: Like, I vaguely. [00:48:56] Speaker A: I vaguely. [00:48:58] Speaker B: So much. So much has happened in the intervening that it's hard to remember what nonsense has occurred. [00:49:03] Speaker A: But he calls these three Oklahoma studs that he saw in the crowd on stage and, like, hugs them and kisses one on the cheek, and he's like, I love those guys. Where are they? It's so weird. [00:49:17] Speaker B: Oh, ridiculous. But yes. So this guy says all. All of this power and assistance, you just have to ask for it. And so Lane's like, yes, give me. And the demon, like, lays his hands on Lain's face and is like, again, Again. And then we see, like, Lane wakes up, and he's like, ah, motherfucker. It was just a dream. But then, like, the shadows start crawling [00:49:42] Speaker A: with the end question mark. David. [00:49:46] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:49:47] Speaker A: It's not the end of the dream. [00:49:49] Speaker B: No, it is not. [00:49:49] Speaker A: It's the horror movie. It's like, oh, it's over. [00:49:52] Speaker B: Yeah. And so, like. Like, all these. All these hands start reaching for him. And then Lane, like, sees himself being dragged down because part of his. Part of his deal that this particular demon didn't express is that they get to do a little soul swaparoo. So that is how that is. That is the power that Lane has been given. Yeah, Lane's physical. [00:50:19] Speaker A: These hands coming out of the building reminds me a lot of you ever seen Day of the Dead, the third Romero one? [00:50:26] Speaker B: I don't think I have. [00:50:27] Speaker A: I don't think it's really good. It's very depressing, but it's awesome. It's basically a play in the last 45 minutes. There's, like, extreme zombie gore. It was basically a really long play. It takes place like a bunker, basically. [00:50:37] Speaker B: Oh, nice. [00:50:38] Speaker A: Well, there's some exterior shots, but not [00:50:40] Speaker B: a lot in order, but. [00:50:41] Speaker A: But the beginning jump scares. The woman, like, wakes up. She's, like, getting ready for her day. And then, like, a thousand hands come through the wall. [00:50:47] Speaker B: Whoa. Well, to tie it back to an earlier, an earlier illusion, Johnny. It's very much like the helping hands in Labyrinth. [00:50:57] Speaker A: Those always creep me. [00:50:57] Speaker B: So she chose down. She chose down. [00:51:02] Speaker A: Oh, God. I don't like those things. [00:51:04] Speaker B: They got the little. They like, like, speak. [00:51:07] Speaker A: Yeah, I know. They're creepy. [00:51:08] Speaker B: They're creepy. But so. So, yeah, Lane's soul gets ripped out of his body, and this demon gets to take over it. And then he comes. He comes out of the new Lane possessed. Lane comes out of the tent and is like, okay, all you motherfuckers, get, get, get ready. We're going back. [00:51:27] Speaker A: We're gonna look a little like Kano. [00:51:30] Speaker B: Yeah, a little bit. A little bit or a little bit like Kano? [00:51:34] Speaker A: Hey, blondie, let me get a Fosters. Let's go to Outback. [00:51:40] Speaker B: Oh, man. I could go to Outback. I can get some of that brown bread. [00:51:43] Speaker A: Yeah, Outback. [00:51:44] Speaker B: Oh, man. So they're gonna. They're gonna ride back to Volgate. [00:51:49] Speaker A: I associate it with Ghost. It's like what I do before Ghost with you guys and over there with Chris. [00:51:54] Speaker B: Oh, it's good. It's good as hell. I do remember you saying once that Papa. Papa himself likes Outback, right? [00:52:01] Speaker A: What? I don't know. I probably just made that. [00:52:02] Speaker B: Oh, you probably. You did. Oh, you motherfucker. [00:52:05] Speaker A: I said, he likes Outback. Yeah. In what context? [00:52:09] Speaker B: I don't remember. But you were like, papa likes Outback, too. He likes to go there. Unless you were referring to yourself as Papa. Like, papa likes Outback. [00:52:18] Speaker A: I know. I don't know, man. I don't know what you're thinking of. That's a dream you had. [00:52:24] Speaker B: You did. You did rip my soul out of my body and then crawl into my skin. So maybe it was perhaps a dream. I'm saying I'm Captain Lane, and you're this. This bad demon guy, right? So. So then we cut back to the. Our little group, and Zianni is like, yep, these are. These are. This is definitely them. These are these tracks we, this is the way we need to go. And then Tobias is like, we should probably follow in the morning. And Ziannia is like, are you fucking kidding? We got, we got a whole tribe that probably thinks we had something to do with the death of their, of their women and children. We gotta, we gotta just keep moving. And Tobias is like, nah, nah, it'll be fine. It'll be fine. Let's go. And then they get back to town and it's not fine. It was not fine. That whole tribe is there and they're like, these, these did some, they killed our women and children. And one of them attacks Zionia, who goes over to try to barter piece. And Tobias and Ryder just like, okay, this is like immediately with the guns. [00:53:39] Speaker A: Yep, [00:53:41] Speaker B: working out like the best tactic for dispatching the entire group. And then one of the warriors steps forward and is like, no, no, no, no, these aren't the, these aren't the people we're looking for. [00:53:52] Speaker A: These aren't the dudes. [00:53:53] Speaker B: Yeah, he's like, I, I, I maybe snuck away from the, the hunting party and saw what happened, and it definitely wasn't these people. These people, these are good people. They did, they did, they did the good, they did not do the bad. And so then the chief is just like, okay, awesome, it's settled. We're not gonna fucking hurt him. [00:54:11] Speaker A: And Tobias, they say, the little hotel. [00:54:14] Speaker B: Yeah, Tobias says, and we have the nerve to call them savages. Yeah, we go, we go to the hotel and Tobias is just like hanging out, shirtless and maskless, just smoking at the window, just like, absolutely ghouling it up. [00:54:29] Speaker A: Can you imagine if you're walking by on the street, you look up at a hotel, you see a skeleton smoking a cigarette, shirtless, like, what the fuck is that? First of like, sir, put on a shirt. [00:54:42] Speaker B: Oh, man. And so then, you know, Tobias is thinking back to his family, his parents, his sister. And his, his reminiscence is, is disrupted by Ryder coming in and being like, ah, you're awake too. Hey, I brought my best friend with me. And it's a bottle of whiskey. And so they, they have themselves a little, a little drinking session. And Ryder explains to Tobias this the reason why he's so upset with Lane. [00:55:13] Speaker A: And it's basically convoluted, crazy tale. [00:55:16] Speaker B: It's, yeah, it's a convoluted place, crazy tale. He was under Lane's command. And then both of them went to Ryder's sister's wedding, and before she was able to get married somehow in some way, Lane led to her death, and he. [00:55:32] Speaker A: He said he found her drowning. [00:55:34] Speaker B: Yeah. And then, like, when they had to go back to war, Lane was just like, forget about it. Don't worry about it. And then Rider eventually heard that his wife was so distraught over the loss of her, you know, sister. Sister in law, that she herself killed herself. And lain is just like, get over it. Get over it. No, you don't need women in your life. Just get over it. You got a new life. This life is offering you a second chance. You should take full advantage of it. Just being a complete jerk about it. [00:56:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:56:11] Speaker B: And then, like, as Rider left the service, like, he heard more from people who were like, the service industry, individuals who were working the wedding, being like, lane, Lane. Lane was like, the fucking reason your sister died, dude. [00:56:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:56:27] Speaker B: And so he was like. [00:56:28] Speaker A: He was drunk and he, like, was like, rape her. [00:56:31] Speaker B: Yeah, that's. I'm. I'm assuming that's the implication here, because he's not a really nice dude, and that's for. Not nice dudes do. [00:56:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:56:43] Speaker B: And then so eventually he. Working with somebody else there, they're able to track down Lane and they're like, we're gonna kill him. [00:56:50] Speaker A: He's working with her fiance, who's left with a dead bride on his wedding day. [00:56:55] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:56:56] Speaker A: They're never actually married. [00:56:58] Speaker B: And then, you know, Lane beats the shit out of them. And then to teach Ryder a lesson, kills his sister's fiance and is like, hey, stay out of my goddamn way or I'm gonna rip your face off your skull. [00:57:17] Speaker A: Cut to hobby. [00:57:18] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:57:18] Speaker A: Oh, God damn. I did it, Tobias. [00:57:23] Speaker B: And so Tobias is like, well, man, that sucks. And then Zanya is like, hey, wow, that sucks. That's not. That's not real good. Hey, why don't you hit me with that whiskey you guys are. You're affording? And she just, like, houses what is apparently a considerable amount of this bottle. [00:57:40] Speaker A: She does the Punisher Challenge. [00:57:42] Speaker B: Since Ryder says, holy woman, that bottle never had a chance. And then they're all laughing and carrying on. [00:57:48] Speaker A: She's just like, so what? Hey, party time. [00:57:52] Speaker B: It's like a. It's like a SNL skit. [00:57:54] Speaker A: I know, it's hilarious. I loved it. [00:57:56] Speaker B: All the hahaha's caught me off guard. [00:57:59] Speaker A: It's very, like, classic horror comic. [00:58:02] Speaker B: Yeah, it was very wonderfully expressive. All of their faces. [00:58:06] Speaker A: That one that's still public, like, Scream. The black and white, like, newspaper one that, like, they just. They just like, trace over pictures of ghosts. Like. Like actual actors. Yeah, that one's hilarious. [00:58:20] Speaker B: But yeah. And then Tobias is like, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. We should all. We should all get some shut eyes so that way we can go after Lane in the morning. And then once he shoes Ziannia and Rider out of his room, he like methodically gets ready. He puts on his coat, he puts on his mask, he puts on his hat, he loads his revolver. He puts his knives and all their sheaths and then. [00:58:45] Speaker A: Nice affirmatory. But he's got to be alone, baby. [00:58:48] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:58:49] Speaker A: He's a lone wolf. [00:58:50] Speaker B: He's quick. The weight of his duty. Navigate the sound solo. [00:58:55] Speaker A: He's on solo. He's on alone. You seen that? [00:58:59] Speaker B: No, I haven't. [00:59:00] Speaker A: There was a Star Wars Connect, which was Xbox is trying to be weaved. It was all motion based. Star wars game. It was motion based. There was dance sequences like Dance Dance Revolution. [00:59:11] Speaker B: Oh, dang. [00:59:12] Speaker A: And I don't remember what song they're paring. [00:59:14] Speaker B: I like how your dance was the. The Trump ymca. [00:59:18] Speaker A: Numa. No. So Numa. Numa. And one of the songs is I'm Han Solo and he's like dancing interesting. [00:59:31] Speaker B: Solo you say? [00:59:33] Speaker A: Yeah, solo. Like you have no people, so you're solo. Also so funny because, like, he obviously would tell no one that ever. Because that's a cool name. [00:59:43] Speaker B: It is a cool name. [00:59:44] Speaker A: And that's why he, like. It's funny to think about he was such a dick that he insisted the name his son Ben Solo. And like, it's not even. He could have been better. Morgano. He's like, no, Solo's my family name. Oh. [00:59:57] Speaker B: I mean, that's why we like Han Solo because he's kind of a jerk [01:00:00] Speaker A: in the old canon. He was like a Kirlian prince that rejected it or something. [01:00:05] Speaker B: Interesting, interesting. [01:00:07] Speaker A: In the expanded universe or something like that. [01:00:09] Speaker B: The Nubian. [01:00:12] Speaker A: Oh, yes, Nubian. We got lots of that. [01:00:17] Speaker B: So next issue, Johnny, is Mountains of Blood. Oh, hell yeah. [01:00:21] Speaker A: I like it. [01:00:22] Speaker B: Sounds awesome. But yeah, it's just Tobias riding away from town by himself early in the. Early in the morning. [01:00:28] Speaker A: Imagine that. What's that? Who's that? Jim Crochet. Jim Croce. Like a lone man walking a lonely road. I got a name. I got a name. [01:00:40] Speaker B: You know that song Vaguely Familiar. Vaguely familiar. I'm much more. I'm much more familiar with Big Jim. Yeah, you don't mess around with Jim. [01:00:56] Speaker A: Interesting. [01:00:57] Speaker B: You don't. [01:00:58] Speaker A: Don't mess around with Jim. Don't mess around with Tobias. Don't mess around with this issue. [01:01:03] Speaker B: Yeah, you don't. Yeah, we Got that. That cool ass gunslinger skull to end the issue on Johnny. [01:01:09] Speaker A: We love it. [01:01:10] Speaker B: Then we get another new generation, new stories, new. You add with some spawn. The Dark Ages, Rat City and Salmon Twitch. Actually the same ones that are advertised in the Curse of Shirley Johnson. Nice Image Classics ad. They get that Call of Duty spawn figure. [01:01:26] Speaker A: A new toy ad, and one of the best we've had in a while. It made me want to buy one of these toys. [01:01:31] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, the Mortal Kombat Classics. [01:01:33] Speaker A: Have you seen that before in the podcast? [01:01:35] Speaker B: I think this is the second time we've seen this one. [01:01:37] Speaker A: Oh, fuck. I'm sorry. [01:01:39] Speaker B: We've had a lot of tangential conversations about. [01:01:41] Speaker A: Well, I've also just. I've also just recently rewatch all of the. We talked about that. [01:01:47] Speaker B: Yeah, I actually just finished editing that part of the conversation. So I'm. I'm. Because. Because you're ranking. [01:01:55] Speaker A: Rank them again. [01:01:56] Speaker B: Your ranking is the original Mortal Kombat. [01:01:58] Speaker A: Yes. [01:01:58] Speaker B: The new Mortal Kombat. Then Annihilation, then the new Mortal Kombat 2. [01:02:03] Speaker A: Correct. [01:02:04] Speaker B: You didn't. You didn't put the animated prequel to. [01:02:08] Speaker A: I know. You said that too. [01:02:09] Speaker B: Last time, you said you watched it, but you didn't. [01:02:12] Speaker A: The Journey Begins. Yeah, when I was a kid, I didn't watch it. This. [01:02:16] Speaker B: How are you supposed to watch the the Journey without watching two seasons of [01:02:20] Speaker A: the TV show too? [01:02:21] Speaker B: Yes. And then make a whole podcast about it. [01:02:25] Speaker A: Oh, my God. It probably is one. [01:02:27] Speaker B: I mean, there is. And if there isn't, Johnny, you know what that means? That's Deadly Tales of the Gunsling. [01:02:34] Speaker A: Welcome to Toasty. We're talking Mortal Kombat every week. [01:02:38] Speaker B: I love it. And toast. [01:02:39] Speaker A: No. [01:02:39] Speaker B: Get over here. Get over here. [01:02:44] Speaker A: If there's not a Mortal Kombat podcast called Get Over Here, we have to start it. [01:02:48] Speaker B: Oh, that's. That's. I. I agree. You were the one that is gonna have to look that up, though. [01:02:54] Speaker A: We have to have a guest every time. It was just like, get over Here. Like, to the guests. [01:02:58] Speaker B: Well, that. I mean, then that could just be. That's what dictates whether we're recording or regarding Spawn or Get Over Here. Is this a good guess? It's a great title. It's fucking fantastic. I am. Johnny, I am committed to doing another podcast with you about Mortal Kombat. If you want to move forward. [01:03:18] Speaker A: We do one a year. One every month. [01:03:22] Speaker B: I can do that. I'd love it. I mean, I could get back into some Mortal Kombat action. It's. It's very Spawn adjacent. [01:03:31] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [01:03:32] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [01:03:32] Speaker A: He's in it. [01:03:33] Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm. The newer ones. Yeah. [01:03:36] Speaker A: 10. 11. Yeah, maybe just 10. One of them. I played his spawn. [01:03:41] Speaker B: It's fine. [01:03:41] Speaker A: He was awesome. Keith. Dave did the voice, but there was a little voice popping up occasionally this episode. David. [01:03:48] Speaker B: Yeah, well, the. A little. A little honk shoe. Honk shoe from the sleeping puppies back here. [01:03:53] Speaker A: Oh, my God. He was like a Mario character. Yeah. Remember in 64 if you left him alone, but then, like. But then there'd be, like, enemies that were asleep. They'd be like. Like bubbles always coming out of their noses. [01:04:07] Speaker B: So it's a. Yeah. I. I don't like to think about how many, like, giant snot bubbles I got coming out of my nose while I sleep. [01:04:14] Speaker A: I feel like you're a guy who likes Snorlax. [01:04:18] Speaker B: Snorlax is fun as hell. [01:04:20] Speaker A: I love Snorlax sleeping. You wake him up, he'll be like, yeah, go back to sleep. [01:04:24] Speaker B: I. I mean, I understand it. If somebody woke me up so rudely, I would be very upset and want to smash somebody too. [01:04:32] Speaker A: Yeah. Don't fucking poke the bear. [01:04:35] Speaker B: No, don't, don't. Don't do it. Don't do it. [01:04:37] Speaker A: But he probably has sleep apnea. [01:04:40] Speaker B: Snorlax definitely has sleep apnea. You seen the size of that dude? But I would probably refer to Snorlax as a puppy right to his face. I don't know how much you would like that. [01:04:51] Speaker A: I kiss him. [01:04:53] Speaker B: So that means. Johnny. It's time for us to rate the puppies. [01:04:56] Speaker A: It's time to rate the puppies. First up, we had Curse of Shirley Johnson Number five. I loved it. It was great. So we bring it all together and, like, it's this kind of twisty journey. And, like, I never really know what to expect from this book, which is what I really like about it. Art wise, story wise, what's gonna happen? Like, it's all pretty. And I think that was their goal. It's just. It feels fresh. It feels unpredictable in a way that, like, Rat City also did. [01:05:28] Speaker B: Yeah, it's true. [01:05:30] Speaker A: Taking that spawn seed and, like, and using the lore, like, that's cool. It's like, I love that. [01:05:35] Speaker B: It's like, it's rewarding taking what we know and, like, going this way with it. Like, you know this, right? [01:05:40] Speaker A: Instead of Todd McFarlane, who just is like, hey, let's introduce a new guy. His name's Carl Bluetooth. Oh, yeah, Carl. I can't even make up a worst name. That's like literally the first draft of a name. [01:06:01] Speaker B: We'll fix it in post. Carl. [01:06:03] Speaker A: Carl. It's like, hey, what do you want to call Carl? [01:06:05] Speaker B: We're printing right now. [01:06:06] Speaker A: And he's like, carl. [01:06:09] Speaker B: Okay, little puppy. [01:06:11] Speaker A: Oh my God, dude, That's so funny. We'll call him. He looks at a car. He goes, car. [01:06:19] Speaker B: He sees a Carl's. [01:06:20] Speaker A: Junior's like, car. Carl. He's like, carl. That's what I said. He's like a guy who got. He was turned into a robot in the 1800s. Lived for a long time, and he knows him. If he stops his car. [01:06:36] Speaker B: If he was turned into a robot in the 1800s, does that mean he knows from Jim West? [01:06:42] Speaker A: He would. Because it's steampunk. [01:06:44] Speaker B: Yeah, he would. [01:06:45] Speaker A: Robot in that movie. [01:06:47] Speaker B: Yeah, he's the big spider guy. The big spider's named Car. [01:06:51] Speaker A: No, but there's a guy with like a metal plate that Will Smith punches in the balls, I think. And then his brain, like short circuits and like he catches on fire. [01:06:59] Speaker B: I need. I need to watch that movie again. [01:07:01] Speaker A: Implies he's like an automaton, but I think he punches him in the balls. [01:07:07] Speaker B: It was the 90s, Johnny. Yeah, somebody's gotta get hit in the balls, dude. [01:07:10] Speaker A: But that was ruined. It was over. Do you remember. Do you remember, David, we talked about this in the show before. Men in Black two, the Ball Chinian. [01:07:19] Speaker B: I don't remember a thing about men in black 2. [01:07:23] Speaker A: Can I send this to you? [01:07:24] Speaker B: Sure. [01:07:24] Speaker A: I want you to look at this. This was in a PG13 fucking movie. [01:07:29] Speaker B: So you have ball. A chin that looks like balls, dude. [01:07:34] Speaker A: Yes, but they're wearing like bandanas through the. The whole first scene they're in, and then he rips. Oh, there's a gif. That's perfect. Oh, gosh, David, you're not gonna believe this. When I saw this During 10th grade, I was like, this is offensive. I hate this movie. Wow. Yeah. [01:08:11] Speaker B: That's ridiculous. Yeah, I don't remember that at all. So I guess I might have never seen Men in Black too. [01:08:19] Speaker A: Or you. You should have forgotten it anyway. [01:08:25] Speaker B: Well, on that front, how many. How many ball chins do you give? The curse of Shirley. [01:08:30] Speaker A: How did we get to that point? How do we read the Ball Chinion? [01:08:33] Speaker B: What we talked about. [01:08:37] Speaker A: We were making fun of Tommy Farmland. Shirley Johnson. Five is awesome. I love the story. I love everything. I'm gonna give it five ball chinions. Out of five. [01:08:46] Speaker B: Hell yeah. It's a perfect score, Johnny. [01:08:49] Speaker A: That's five ball cheating. So that's ten balls. [01:08:51] Speaker B: Ten balls. [01:08:52] Speaker A: Not one. Not one Balcinian with five balls on his balls, but ten. Five Balcinians. The. The man that they show you to. You a PG13 movie setting up for a few scenes. They always got these bandanas on. Then he just goes, watch this. Bam. He's got balls. That they show you. [01:09:14] Speaker B: It's like the. It's like that Star Trek episode where they kick some guy in the knee and he just, like, collapses. And they're like, what's going on there? And it's like, rude of you to assume everyone keeps their gonads in the same spot. So to imply that they got. They got so nerdy that knee based. Testicles. [01:09:30] Speaker A: Knee based on testicles. That's how they walk around. They'd be banging into furniture. Like, be like out of commission for, like two days. Your knees take a lot of wear and tear. [01:09:43] Speaker B: Yeah, they do. [01:09:43] Speaker A: Was that a Next Generation episode? [01:09:45] Speaker B: I think so, yeah. [01:09:46] Speaker A: Yeah. If they said gonads, it is. [01:09:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:09:51] Speaker A: It was the 90s, David. [01:09:52] Speaker B: It was the 90s. [01:09:53] Speaker A: Nuts jokes. Had some nuts jokes. [01:09:55] Speaker B: Well, Johnny, there's no nut jokes. Nut jokes in the Curse of Shirley Johnson. There are a lot of balls, though. A lot of eyeballs. But I'm gonna give this five Mr. Teddy T's in his original form because I like that Mr. He's just like wander. He's just like, walking. I like Teddy T. So five Teddy T's, Johnny for Chris, Shirley Johnson. [01:10:18] Speaker A: T, T, T, T, T. You know [01:10:20] Speaker B: what that means, Johnny? Remember the Hellfire Club or the Hellfire Club. Hell yeah. The hellfire that consumed Simon. Perhaps. It's. It's phenomenal. We didn't. We didn't even mention the art. The art's great. Holy. [01:10:36] Speaker A: I talked about Jonathan clapping in the beginning. [01:10:38] Speaker B: Well, not. Not now. In our review. We didn't talk about. [01:10:41] Speaker A: I said the art, so I said everything. The art. It always surprises me. [01:10:44] Speaker B: So good. [01:10:45] Speaker A: That was their goal. [01:10:48] Speaker B: It's just good. It's. Just read it. Just read it. Just fucking read it. It's good. That's all you need to know. Do it. Do it. The next up, Johnny, we got the Daily Tales of the gunslinger. Number 14. We got. We got again. We got some more hellfire. We got. We got to buy a. Shoving a ancient revolver down a dude's throat. [01:11:05] Speaker A: That's great. What do you go through? Why are you going through? We got. [01:11:08] Speaker B: We got. We got Z. [01:11:10] Speaker A: We already did that for 30 minutes. [01:11:12] Speaker B: Just housing half a bottle of liquor. [01:11:15] Speaker A: Yeah, it's great. It's an awesome issue. I love this series. Yeah. Amazing. [01:11:19] Speaker B: It's so good. [01:11:22] Speaker A: The art, the characters, the story. I thought the issue was done, but then, like, oh, no. We got this whole side story with the sheriff and Lane, and I was like, God damn. [01:11:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:11:31] Speaker A: Cooking. [01:11:32] Speaker B: Yeah. It's so good. It's just great. [01:11:35] Speaker A: It's captivating. [01:11:36] Speaker B: It's excellent. So good. [01:11:39] Speaker A: So surprising. No one. I'm gonna give it five shirtless hobbies. Out of five shirtless. God damn it, Tobias. Tobias is out of five. [01:11:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:11:54] Speaker A: Not to buy his force, because he'd be too shy. [01:11:56] Speaker B: I do. I do. Like, I must say, though, it's very. I'm. I'm calling out Patrick Reynolds. He's been a little. [01:12:07] Speaker A: You put him on. He's not. [01:12:08] Speaker B: He's not. [01:12:08] Speaker A: He's. [01:12:08] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm putting him on blast. I want to see Javi try to drink from this bottle with his no lips. [01:12:14] Speaker A: The Punisher Challenge. [01:12:16] Speaker B: Just like. Just, like. [01:12:17] Speaker A: Does he just go, so this is my friend Scott, who's an idiot, but I love him to death. We're still in contact. He was a high school college friend, but he. So my friend Nathan worked at the Hollywood 12 in Promenade. Okay. And he got a standee of Thomas Jane's The Punisher. Okay. What, 2003. [01:12:37] Speaker B: 4. [01:12:37] Speaker A: I don't even know when that came out. And Tom would car. Scott would carte it around with him, like, put it in his window, like, have his apartment. And one time he's watched that movie, he says he drinks out of the liquor bottle for 10 seconds while standing in the shower. And, like, the shower's on. You didn't have to do that unless you want to do the Extreme Punisher Challenge and to turn the shower on. But he would be like, punisher Challenge. He'd go stand in his bathtub at his. It wasn't a dorm. It was one of the ones, like, a living room and four bedrooms. [01:13:06] Speaker B: Okay. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah. [01:13:09] Speaker A: Like college housing pods. And he would. He would. He would be like, go. He had to go stand in his shower and chug liquor for 10 seconds. [01:13:17] Speaker B: Jesus. Jesus Christ. [01:13:19] Speaker A: You wouldn't actually. You just press it to your lips and to appease him. He was a maniac sometimes, and he was drunk. [01:13:25] Speaker B: That's. That's us. [01:13:28] Speaker A: College. We were 20 years old. We were less than. This is when I was, like, 19, David, maybe 18. [01:13:34] Speaker B: We were. We were dumb. Some of us are still dumb, but we were dumb. I'm not. [01:13:38] Speaker A: I'm not that dumb, but you know what? [01:13:40] Speaker B: You know, it isn't dumb. [01:13:41] Speaker A: We're not 14, but this is Deadly Tales of Gunslinger. [01:13:44] Speaker B: 14? [01:13:45] Speaker A: Yeah, the chat said she was 14. Dave. [01:13:49] Speaker B: I. I'm Chris Henson. [01:13:52] Speaker A: Prime time anything. The concept of, like, busting child. I'm not as. [01:13:57] Speaker B: I, I, I'm not as. I'm not as in on all of the. Understood. [01:14:02] Speaker A: I always talk about TCAP and Chris Hansen. Whatever. I'm obsessed. Blah, blah, blah. [01:14:06] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [01:14:07] Speaker A: What are you, what are you rating this five. Five shirt. I said five shirts. [01:14:11] Speaker B: Oh, you did. [01:14:12] Speaker A: God damn it. I said Tobias. [01:14:13] Speaker B: Ah, God damn it. [01:14:14] Speaker A: I did it again. Five shirtless. Tobias is out of five. [01:14:18] Speaker B: Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I'm giving, I'm giving this. I'm going to give it five. Just this look that Ziannia gives to Bias when she's like, I can track 48 horses is just like this motherfucker. So five Ziannia's expressions. Because she's got great expressions in this book. [01:14:40] Speaker A: So, David, do you have after me giving it a five and you gave [01:14:43] Speaker B: it a five, that makes this a hellfire clue? [01:14:45] Speaker A: No, but did you. Do you have anything to declare? [01:14:49] Speaker B: Well, Johnny, Johnny, I say, I say, I say I declare that this is extra crispy. [01:14:57] Speaker A: Well, let's see what you're making there, boy. Looks like sody pop. Watch it. Fears. Toasty. [01:15:11] Speaker B: So, yeah, two excellent issues. Excellent. Yes, indeed. Well, Johnny, you know what else is excellent? [01:15:20] Speaker A: I don't know, just one of three things you could go with the spot. [01:15:22] Speaker B: The spawn immunity. Johnny. [01:15:23] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, that's usually the first. Unless I fuck it up or unless [01:15:28] Speaker B: I fuck it up too. And this week we would like to shout out one. Where is it? Where did it go? Hexiccollections. That's H E X I C underscore C O, double L E C T I O N S. And Johnny, he's got a shit ton of spawn action figures. He calls it his nerd room. He's got, he's got all the spots. He's got some Total Chaos McFarlane toys. It's just, it's a beautiful collection of a whole bunch of great McFarland toys. So give them a follow. Hexaccollections. And while you were on the Instagram, you should give us a follow and maybe interact with us there. We're at regarding Spawn Pod. We're [email protected] if you would like to send us an email and don't put [01:16:21] Speaker A: an app in front of it. Regarding SpawnPodmail.com. [01:16:25] Speaker B: yeah, we are at that email, you can read. [01:16:28] Speaker A: Okay, you're right. [01:16:29] Speaker B: You can reach us at that email address. But the email address is just. Regarding spawnpodmail.com. [01:16:35] Speaker A: i'm being pedantic. [01:16:36] Speaker B: I mean, it's perfect to be pedantic, especially. [01:16:39] Speaker A: What are you, Mary Poppins? It's perfect to be pedantic. This is even to burst into song. [01:16:47] Speaker B: I mean, if I could. If I could think of rhymes off the top of my head, I would totally try. [01:16:52] Speaker A: If you think of rhymes, you wouldn't have the time. See, [01:16:59] Speaker B: If you want to think of some better rhymes for us to try out, why don't you email them to us regarding smugpodmail.com. send us a little Spawn rap and we'll perform it. [01:17:09] Speaker A: Don't. Please don't. [01:17:11] Speaker B: I will perform your Spawn rap if you email. Yeah, so reach out to us there while you're on the Internet. Also, stop by Lonnie Bones. Just Google Lonnie Bones music. Give him some love. He does all of our music. It's fucking phenomenal. You know what else is phenomenal, Johnny? [01:17:29] Speaker A: More Spawn. [01:17:29] Speaker B: More Spawn. How about we read some more Spawn over the next week and then come back and read it again, talk about it next week? [01:17:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:17:38] Speaker B: All right. How about we talk about main title? [01:17:40] Speaker A: Spawn. [01:17:41] Speaker B: 373 and scorched 51. [01:17:44] Speaker A: Over the hill on Scorch. Yeah. Yeah. [01:17:48] Speaker B: It needs one of those canes with the. The honker and the rear view mirror and the big. [01:17:53] Speaker A: Do you remember. Do you remember how much over the Hill merchandise? [01:17:55] Speaker B: Yeah. My sister and I used to waste so much time in the over the Hill section of the Coach House Gifts. [01:18:03] Speaker A: Yeah, but like, it was like when you were 40. Now it's like, oh, you got like 40 more years, so hopefully you're not planning on retiring soon. [01:18:10] Speaker B: Yeah. Insane. Insane. [01:18:16] Speaker A: That's wild. [01:18:16] Speaker B: But, yeah, you know what else is insane, Johnny? [01:18:19] Speaker A: What? [01:18:19] Speaker B: Listening to this show and liking it, but not subscribing to it or rating it or reviewing it or telling your friends and family and co workers and your over the hill mates and your retired mates and tell the guy at the Walmart. [01:18:32] Speaker A: At the Walmart. [01:18:34] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, definitely do. Definitely do. Be like, hey, you know what I hear makes a great gift. [01:18:41] Speaker A: You think there's ever been a piece of Spawn merchandise at a Hallmark? Probably not. They've got a lot now. They got like Star Wars. [01:18:46] Speaker B: They're like, as. As we are aging into the group of people that Hallmark is targeting. Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if there was something like this because, like, Muppets in Haunted Mansion are just like, bam, top of the list there. [01:19:03] Speaker A: Every year, they're trying to get David on that one. [01:19:06] Speaker B: I would spend so much money on all that Haunted Mansion merchandise. Fuck. And they. Every couple of years, it's just like, primo. And it's like, I wish I had a Christmas tree just for that, but I don't. [01:19:18] Speaker A: Primo Cremo. [01:19:19] Speaker B: Primo Cremo. But yeah, so to do all of that stuff, because we like having you here, and if you like being here, bring some friends along. Because we like friends. They say hell is other people. And as a hell podcast, we need more people, right? We need other people to make up the hell. [01:19:37] Speaker A: To make up the malbol. [01:19:38] Speaker B: Yeah, we got this. There's a lot of pits here to fill. We got a lot of space. It's very roomy down here. [01:19:45] Speaker A: Okay, David? It's very roomy down here. Rhyme that with something. [01:19:50] Speaker B: It's very roomy down here. And, Johnny, I need another beer. There we go. That rhymed. Here, here, a beer. Hey, nice. Awesome. That means I've run out of things to say, Johnny. Except for May the scorch be with you. [01:20:07] Speaker A: And also with you, David. [01:20:08] Speaker B: Hell, yeah. I could have rhyme. Or steer. [01:20:14] Speaker A: Steer would have been good. [01:20:15] Speaker B: Steer would have been good. Or queer. [01:20:20] Speaker A: Yeah, queer's good. [01:20:23] Speaker B: Or near. [01:20:26] Speaker A: Or seer. [01:20:28] Speaker B: Or sear. Like a steak. Take that steer, turn it into a steak with a sear. Bring that plate near. [01:20:44] Speaker A: It.